Chapter Contents
Attachment
Attachment is theorised to be the foundation of healthy social and emotional development. Attachment theory was developed by John Bowlby and describes the importance of a close relationship with a primary caregiver in infancy. This attachment is vital for the physical survival of the baby, but also shapes the development of trust in relationships and later self-care. Children develop an internal working model of relationships from their early childhood experiences of care, including their expectations of the world and people.
The primary attachment is to the main caregiver, but additional attachments will form during childhood and throughout life.
Secure attachments
A ‘secure attachment’ provides a secure base from which children can explore the world and its opportunities, safe in the knowledge that there is an adult who holds you in mind and who will provide comfort and protection when needed. Through the secure attachment, the child develops a sense of self-worth, feels loved, and learns to love others and care for others in ways that they have experienced care.
Secure attachments develop when the caregiver is sufficiently attuned to the child’s needs, responsive to distress calls and able to provide comfort and reassurance. This is sometimes referred to as ‘good enough’ parenting (it doesn’t have to be perfect!). Children in foster care might not have experienced this level of care, and whilst they have attachments to parents, these attachments are insecure and relationships are stressful.
Insecure attachments
If a child experiences rejection, inconsistency in care, or lives in chaotic situations with fear, they develop insecure attachments:
- Anxious attachments develop from inconsistent care; sometimes their caregiver is attuned and responsive, but at other times they are absent or punitive. This inconsistency is confusing, the caregiver is experienced as unreliable and the child seeks proximity with emotional outbursts and clingy behaviours.
- Avoidant attachments develop from rejection and lack of response to needs. The child does not feel understood or appreciated and becomes self-reliant, no longer making demands of their caregiver.
- Disorganised attachments develop from fear and trauma, e.g. a caregiver acting chaotically. The child may feel neglected, rejected, unloved and unprotected. These children display both anxious and avoidant attachment behaviours.
Foster care for children with insecure attachments offers opportunities for repair and the development of more secure attachments from which will come an increase in self-esteem and self-worth, and emotional regulation. Children in foster care may be assessed for attachment disorders when exploring their emotional and mental health, with a focus on relationships and the Secure Base prior to mental health interventions.
Read more about attachments here.
Play and Social Skills
Play is the key process through which babies and young children develop – especially during the pre-verbal stages. Play does not need to involve any toys and games – just you and your child. Through play, children develop secure attachments and social skills in addition to the physical benefits and learning of language.
Types of play
- Exploring the environment – moving around the house or local community, talking and laughing about what you see, picking things up (and maybe taking them home).
- Physical play – at home with boxes or building dens, jumping in puddles, building snowmen.
- Play with movement or moving objects – develops spatial skills.
- Play with words – nursery rhymes, songs, repetition, animal noises.
- Imaginative play – role play, pretending to be each other.
- Play with others – helps develop social skills of taking turns, following rules, winning/losing.
Social skills
Children will initially learn social skills at home, and children come to foster care with a variety of skills and behaviours that you will seek to reinforce, and others that you may wish to shape or replace with more adaptive options. As well as your influence, there will continue to be the influence of the child’s family and friends, your wider family and support network, school staff and the child’s peers. It’s certainly more challenging as children grow older and the environment becomes less controllable!
Some key social skills to work on include:
- Listening to others and taking turns in conversation
- Developing friendships and respecting other people
- Adapting behaviour and speech to different situations and people
- Negotiating and helping others
You can read more about developmental milestones for social skills here. There is also advice for helping children develop their social skills.
Please also see our Life Skills Development programme for ideas.
Self-esteem and Resilience
Self-esteem and resilience go hand-in-hand. Building a child’s self-esteem, and a positive self-image, helps them to become resilient:
- If a child feels good about themselves, they will view problems as temporary setbacks rather than permanent failures.
- Self-esteem creates a feeling of empowerment – an ability to keep going when things are difficult, learn from mistakes and adapt.
In turn, resilience reinforces self-esteem as overcoming problems brings a sense of achievement and reinforces self-esteem.
As we have seen, secure attachments build self-esteem; feeling loved, encouraged and supported brings a sense of self-worth. Children with insecure attachments may therefore lack self-esteem and have difficulty navigating life’s problems. They are likely to need a greater level of adult support in social situations and in education, where they may feel unsafe or not in control.
Whilst self-esteem has its foundations in early attachment, life experiences during childhood can also impact its strength and introduce threats. Social isolation, bullying, learning difficulties, social pressure and expectations can significantly impact children and young people’s mental health and emotional wellbeing. In addition, the teenage years can be especially challenging as many young people feel a particular pressure to conform, be liked by others and ‘fit in’. Any feeling of difference can be a threat.
Whilst promoting independence and providing privacy, parents and carers need to be watchful and reassure young people that home will always be a safe place to come and that you’re always available to listen and offer help.
